Love, Cain and Bones are in the air!
by Lucilia Venom
Summary: My Valduggery series. Most chapters have more Valduggery than the first few. Was originally called the rage of mr pleasant.
1. The Rage of Mr Pleasant

**The Rage of Mr Pleasant, unleashed on one particular Miss Sorrows. Not good is the only way to describe it. Read on as before Skulduggery even found out about her involvement with his families death, China gets rid of some-one Skulduggery loved just as much as his wife, but didn't realise until she was gone. This is a Valduggery series. Will continue for a while. Set near the end of the Faceless ones when Skulduggery is getting sucked through the portal.**

**Spider-man, slush puppies with extra ice and stinging nettles ~ Lucilia Venom**

"_No!" Valkyrie had screamed, and dived at Skulduggery, knocking him out of the way of the tentacle that erupted from the portal before it managed to close. He went flying through the air, away from the tentacle. It retreated, thinking Skulduggery had seemingly vanished. _

_Suddenly, Valkyries shrill scream echoed through the air, every-one realised that she was being pulled in by another tentacle, but the only one fast enough to react was China. She stepped forward and grasped Valkyries hand then leant down and whispered something in her ear. Valkyries eyes widened, China gave a beautiful yet tight smile and, before any-one could react, she let go of Valkyrie with one hand and roughly pushed her towards the portal with the other._

"_Valkyrie!" Skulduggery had yelled running and diving at the portal a second too late. He stared at the ground where Valkyrie had just been._

_China walked forward and stopped so that she was next to him. She let out a beautiful laugh, but to Skulduggery it sounded like a witches cackling as she was making a spell._

"_Finally. Finally we can be together, now that she's out the way. She always was in the way of me and you being together. Sidling closer to you, closer than any-one else has ever been. But what surprised me is that you let her. When she flirted with you, you did it straight back. At one point I thought you loved her more than me, but then I came around to my senses. What is there to love about her, when you've got me? Answer me that Skulduggery. How is she better than me? What good qualities does she have that I don't?" China said, while looking at where Valkyrie had been._

"_Well," Skulduggery started, his voice filled with love, not for China, but Valkyrie. "She is kind, caring, sharing. She doesn't ask for much, but gives and offers a lot. She is funny, sarcastic and witty. Then, of course, there is the fact she cares about people and would never hurt their loved ones for her own selfish needs. She is everything you aren't China, and that's why I love her."_

_He then turned to her and lifted his hand. China found herself unable to breathe, as Skulduggery was suffocating her. As soon as her body went limp, Skulduggery let the air bubble that was keeping her upright dissipate and she fell, unconscious, to the floor. After that Skulduggery summoned a fireball and held it close to her face, melting the skin, letting dribble slightly down her clothes. Next he made a spear of water and fire, churning it about in the air until it became stone, and stabbed her in the chest, piercing her heart. China Sorrows took one last breath, before her soul left her body. _

Skulduggery sat up with tear streaks on his face. (**A/N Necromacers turned him human, some-how) **He'd had the same dream ever since he became human. At least now, Valkyrie was back. Ghastly and Tanith had stood where the portal had last opened on the same day that the Grotesquery had summoned the faceless ones. In their hand they held a few Isthmus Anchors. These were;

A lock of Valkyries hair,

Valkyries tooth that was lost while fighting Sanguine and,

A plain t-shirt with her DNA and blood on.

At exactly 12 'o' clock the portal opened, Tanith ran in and found Valkyrie lying in a cave, with only one leg, a broken left arm, cracked ribs and two black and purple eyes. The damage was much worse mentally, of course. She kept muttering: "He'll never be with her. He'll never be with her! I miss him. Not her. Her got me here. Not her. Miss him. Love him. Hate her. Hate her." then started muttering all over again. Everyone knew she was talking about Skulduggery as him and China as her.

Kenspeckle had said that Skulduggery would be able to see her tomorrow, so he couldn't wait. Her physical health had improved greatly. She had both legs, fixed ribs, an unbroken arm and no black eyes. Her medical health wasn't improving at all, that's why Kenspeckle had asked Skulduggery to come and see her. Something started beeping and Skulduggery fumbled around his bedside cabinet, he had bought when he became human, looking for his phone. After a lot of cursing he found it. He flicked it open and realised that Kenspeckle was calling him. Thinking that there was something wrong with Valkyrie he pressed the receive button and had to hold the phone away from his ear the voice was so loud.

"SKULDUGGERY PLEASANT!" A joyous, happy voice squealed through the phone.

"Val?" He asked quizzically, confused. It sounded so much like her.

"Yep!" She replied, popping the p. "Please can you come to see me. This hospital bed is boring and all Kenspeckle gave me to eat is dry muesli. Ugh, it's horrible."

He chuckled at her virtual antics. Imagining Valkyrie in a hospital bed, shovelling dry muesli into her mouth was so darn funny.

"Yes I'll come to see you." He replied and hung up, got out of bed, showered, got dressed and literally flew away to the Hibernian Cinema.


	2. Finding Out

**Finding Out**

**P.s none of these stories are related. Skulduggery is human. Tanith and Kenspeckle are fine.**

Skulduggery and Valkyrie walked into Gordon's study, hand in hand, smiling. Tanith Low stared at their intertwined fingers, mouth agape. After a few moments of gathering herself together she was finally capable of logical thought.

"Oh. My. God!" She yelled over and over again. "You're official, you're together, and you're Valduggery!"

"Uhh, yeah we're together, but what's with the couple name?" Valkyrie asked.

"It's all over the mage world!" Tanith replied.

"Yeah, well so is Ghanith!"

"Valduggery is sooooo much weirder than Ghanith!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!

"Is not!

"Is too!

"Girls, girls." Skulduggery said, stepping in to stop the fight. "Let's all agree that Skulkyrie is the best couple name."

Valkyrie mock pushed him over, and Tanith rolled her eyes at his childish remark.

Suddenly, Tanith decided that she'd had enough of bickering and shouted, "Who asked who? When? How long have you liked him? Have you kissed? Have you hugged? Tell me NOOOOOOOOWWWW!" And whisked Valkyrie away to the bedroom so she could tell her.

Just as Valkyrie had finished explaining everything to Tanith, somebody knocked on the door. Skulduggery's velvety smooth voice came drifting through the door.

"Ladies, may I intrude. I and my fiancé have reservations at Restaurant ala France, so I'm afraid this girl-talk will have to stop or we will be late and they'll give our table to someone else."

Tanith's mouth opened so wide when he said fiancé that you could fit ten cans of beans in there. Her head was spinning and she was totally oblivious to Val happily bounding over to the great ex-skeleton detective.

"Bye, Tan." She said, waving, and then walked out the door.

"Bye." Tanith replied, slightly dazed.

**A/N so, what did you think. Thank you anonymous reviewer, I really appreciate it.**

**Spider-man never fails, slush puppies with extra ice and stinging nettles ~ the organic cooking sauce lover, Lucilia Venom.**


	3. The ProposalFunCoupleyStuff

**The Proposal/Fun Coupley Stuff**

**Hey it's me again. This ends with a cliffy, as a lot of my chapters tend to. This has more than one part. Oh, and guess what!**

**I'm a centaur version of Spiderman, disguised as an evil pack of dominoes that eats mouldy bread with sour butter. I hate the smurfs, I love watching Scooby-doo and I'm obsessed with Skulduggery Pleasant and organic cooking sauce.**

**Now, say that really fast, and a hala at the end and ****BOOM** **that's my rap.**

**This chapter is for AppleCrumblePerson, violet flame 8 and Scarlett Blood 15.**

**That's right; I'm dedicating my chapter people now!**

**Spider-man never fails slush-puppies with extra ice and stinging nettles ~ Lucilia Venom, the organic cooking sauce lover.**

* * *

Part One: The Proposal

_This is it _Skulduggery thought. He was taking Valkyrie Cain, now a twenty-two year old woman, to his mountain lodge in California. Well, granted that the mountain lodge was on a beach, not a mountain, and was actually a beach cabin, mountain lodge just sounded so much more romantic. And, after all, today was the day he was going to propose to Valkyrie, so he needed it to be as romantic as possible.

_What shall I say? When should I say it? Where should I say it? Will she say yes? What will happen if she says no? Will she like the ring?_

The questions rampaged through his mind so fast, he barely even had time to register them before they went, leaving more unanswerable questions in their wake.

They passed so fast that he eventually stopped thinking them and just concentrated on driving.

* * *

_**3 days later**_

Valkyrie looked at the skeleton before her, who was on his knees and had just produced a small, black box. Her stomach did flips and her heart likewise.

_OH. My. God._ She thought, over and over, until the words stopped having meaning and disappeared.

He opened the box, revealing a gorgeous ring, nestled in deep, red velvet. It was amazing, shining silver, with an extravagant sea-green emerald sitting in the middle of two dark purple gems.

Skulduggery cleared his throat, for no reason whatsoever.

"Valkyrie Cain," He started, "You have been my friend, work partner and accomplice for ten years. You were there for me through the hard times and you enjoyed with me the good times, like any amazing friend should. But if only you knew how much more you meant to me. How much it tore me up inside whenever you got hurt. How much you make me, a dead man, feel closer to life and happiness for a long time. I positively adore and thought it was time you know. So will you, Valkyrie Cain, Stephanie Edgely, marry me, Skulduggery Pleasant, Lorcan Smith?"

Valkyrie leapt on him, squealing "Yes, yes, a million times yes!"

He laughed and kissed with his facade lips.

"Well that's good, because otherwise my awesome speech would be for nothing. Now, come on, let's go do some funcoupleystuff.

"Yay," Valkyrie echoed "Funcoupleystuff."

* * *

Part 2: Funcoupleystuff!

"OY!" Valkyrie yelled, as Skulduggery hit her over the head with a pool noodle.

"What?" He asked, putting on his best _I'msoinnocent, Ididn'tdoanything _face.

"You know what you did." Valkyrie mock-hissed in accusation. "And now it's time for my revenge!"

Valkyrie had recently experienced the surge, one year ago to be exact, and had chosen elemental magic, so Skulduggery prepared to dodge a wall of air that was sure to come his way and knock him into the pool. He had managed to go all day without getting his facade hair wet, he wasn't going to start now.

He laughed at Valkyries pathetic wall of air, before realising it was a feint, and looked up just in time to have a massive puddle of water land on his face, like he had just been hit with the world's largest water balloon.

"Dammit!" He yelled, getting some weird looks from other occupants of the beach.

Valkyrie was so busy laughing herself silly, that she didn't notice him come gliding under the water to her until it was too late, and he pulled her legs from under her.

"Hey!" She yelled when she resurfaced, but Skulduggery wasn't there. She called for him and still he didn't come. She even went back up to the beach cabin, but still he wasn't there. There was only one explanation.

Skulduggery was gone.

* * *

**A/N OOH Cliffy!**


	4. The Proposal: Part Two, Missing

**Missing**

**Hey, I got some lovely reviews, and I want to thank all of you for that.**

_**DEDICATIONS**_

**Now, this chapter is for:**

**Ocean Winter,**

**Farrangirl11,**

**FallingFree10**

**Accolade Low and**

**Guest.**

**Thank you all, and please keep sending me your lovely reviews.**

**Spider-man never fails, slush- puppies with extra ice and stinging nettles ~ Lucilia Venom, the organic cooking sauce lover.**

It had been four years since Skulduggery had _left_. That was what the Sanctuary had said anyway. But Valkyrie knew better. Well, for the first year she thought she knew better, but now she knew better. **(A/N Confused yet?) **

It was obvious that Skulduggery had left because he was regretting the decision of proposing to her. It broke her heart to think that but there was no other explanation.

And, then she was crying, the tears flowing freely from her face onto the pillow, her thin form shaking.

After Skulduggery had up and went she was slowly wasting away to nothing, and the worst thing was that she didn't care. She had basically lost all will to go on.

Suddenly, she heard a noise coming from the slightly ajar window. It sounded like a stifled gasp. She smiled for the first time in years as she saw a gloved hand quickly disappear from the window pane.

She ran outside quickly and frowned. She hurriedly got into a fighting stance.

_**Skulduggery pov**_

He did his best to come and see her whenever he could. For the first couple of months, she was rarely at home, and for the following she stayed in the whole time. She even got the shopping delivered!

But, alas, he hadn't seen her in 2 years, 11 months and 3 weeks, and what he did see made him distraught. He tried to stifle a gasp, but couldn't quite manage.

_OH HELL _he thought as Valkyrie turned around to face the window.

_**Valkyrie pov**_

Valkyrie faced the mysterious man in her garden. He was rather handsome, with jet black hair, and glittering, emerald-green eyes. He looked very muscular and strong, there was no way she had even a chance of overpowering him.

Then she realised who it was. Kind of obvious now that she thought about it. The man had the same hat as him. The man had the same shoes as him. The man had the same dark blue pinstripe suit as him. The man had the same gloves as him.

She became light-headed as she realised who this was, and the last she registered was the man dart over to catch her, and then everything went black as her head made contact with the ground.

_**General Pov**_

Valkyrie awoke to the sound of a smooth, velvety, male voice talking to a female voice. She opened her eyes and saw her best-friend, Tanith Low, talking to someone, and when she glimpsed who the memories flooded back, hitting her like a brick, causing her to breathe in quickly as she remembered.

The man, upon hearing her sharp intake of breath, spun on his heel to look at her.

"Valkyrie." He said in a voice that could only belong to him, to Skulduggery Pleasant.

"Skulduggery," Valkyrie replied, voice devoid of any emotion. "You finally decided to make an appearance.

"Valkyrie, please," He started to apologise, but stopped when he realised that she was pretending to be deaf. "Please, Val, listen to me."

"Why should I?" She snapped, "There's nothing to tell. You left because you didn't want to marry me. That's fine, grand even."

As soon as Valkyrie finished saying this, she broke down, sobbing. The man, Skulduggery, ran over to comfort her, and she ended up curled up into his shirt, heavy gasps raking across her body.

"Don't leave," She said, in between gasps, "Don't you ever leave me again."

"I won't," He said, soothingly rubbing circles on her back. "I promise."


	5. Hat vs Soup

_**Brussels Sprout Soup **_

**A/N.**

**Check out the poll on my profile 'because that's what the next story is going to be.**

_**Dear Anonymous Reviewer,**_

_**Thank you for your lovely review.**_

_**From,**_

_**Lucy.**_

**Spiderman never fails, slush-puppies with extra ice and stinging nettles ~ the organic cooking sauce lover, Lucilia Venom.**

Skulduggery sighed loudly, his bones weary with exhaustion. Catching that criminal had been hard, especially since Valkyrie Cain, Tanith Low, Ghastly Bespoke and Lucilia Venom were off sick. But, as usual, he managed it because he was so awesomely amazing. He walked over to his meditating chair and sank into the soft, comfy, fabric, crossing his legs and was instantly enveloped in a deep, unbreakable 'sleep'.

Valkyrie Cain sneaked into Skulduggery Pleasant's living room 'ninja quiet'. Lucilia Venom snuck out from underneath the curtain. Fletcher Renn teleported into the middle of the room and yanked the curtains apart to reveal Tanith Low, now remnant free, making out with Ghastly Bespoke.

"Come on, you two, we're here on a mission." Valkyrie Cain whispered.

"One sec," Tanith Low murmured in reply, before Fletcher yanked them apart.

Valkyrie pulled a big bag of Brussels Sprouts Soup out of a plastic bag. Lucilia pulled a big, wooden spoon from behind her back, and Ghastly crept over to Skulduggery and stole his hat. Fletcher opened the can with his bright pink can opener, muttering that pink is 'cool' when Valkyrie threw him a quizzical look.

Tanith Low took the spoon, dipped it into the can of soup and smeared it all over the black fedora.

They were gonna get in sooooo much trouble for this!


	6. Merry Skulmas

_**Merry Skulmas**_

_**A/N **_

_**Hey, I know that I have been away for a while, but I'm back and you better believe it baby! This is a winter special, by the way. Happy Val Year and Merry Skulmas!**_

Valkyrie Cain used to lay awake at night listening for sleigh-bells. She didn't any more. But, on Christmas Eve, 2012, she actually heard sleigh-bells.

"Ho, Ho, Ho," said a voice, the owner of it tapping on the window, "Merry Skulmas!" Skulduggery Pleasant said stepping into the room. And, god was he scary. He was dressed as Father Christmas, the clothes hanging limply of his skeletal frame, his skull still visible just above the fake white beard. He looked like something out of a nightmare.

"Merry Christmas to you too," Valkyrie Cain replied.

"Skulmas," he insisted.

"Christmas."

"Skulmas."

"Christmas."

"Skulmas."

"Fine," Valkyrie gave in. "Whatever you say."

"I have your present," Skulduggery replied.

"Ooh, gimme," she said, snatching it off him.

He had gotten her a... gun. He had given her a gun! A GUN!

"It's just a stun gun," he informed her, anxiously.

"But, still..." She said, staring at it in wonder. "Now I feel really bad about what I got you," she said, handing him a box shaped parcel. He opened it to reveal... a pink, Barbie hair-dryer. Valkyrie got a gun. Skulduggery got a pink, Barbie hair-dryer.

"Well," she said, defensively, "Now you've got a set. A comb and a hair-dryer."

Skulduggery stared.


	7. Thrashing Grace

**Thrashing Grace**

**A/N Here is a little Thrashgrace special for you! Be warned, it's really sad. Set after KOTW. Enjoy!**

Scapegrace couldn't believe it. He was a woman. And, now that he was a woman, he found Thrasher attractive! THRASHER! So, in the middle of the night, he fled, and started a new life. A new life, a new home, and a new husband.

"Hey, Grace," _her _husband, Dan, shouted across the room. "Sammy wants to go to the park."

Sammy, their two-year-old son, gurgled in response. His little eyes lit up at the word 'park'. Grace, who used to be Thrashgrace, had moved to Wales 7 years ago. After 3 years, Dan proposed. After another two years, Sammy was born. Grace could hardly even remember her old life.

"Well, come on then," Grace replied.

As Dan and Grace walked, they swung Sammy in between them, his little dungaree clad legs swinging wildly, his brown hair sticking up in all directions, his blue eyes filled with happiness. He was like a miniature version of his father.

Suddenly, a filthy, disgusting man stepped out of the bushes, holding a machine gun. Sammy started to scream.

"Go!" Dan yelled, "I'll hold him off! Protect Sammy!"

Grace ran, tears in her eyes, Sammy clutched close to her chest. Her husband's anguished yells followed. She got out her phone, began to fumble with it, but the wind snatched it out of her hand. Her shoe caught on a jagged rock and she stumbled, but kept on running, not wanting Dan to have died in vain. Sammy sensed something bad was happening, and lay still as a statue in her arms. Pounding footsteps brought the man nearer and nearer. She hid behind an out crop of trees, and carefully placed Sammy in between two of the branches, biding him a good, long life, then stepped out from behind the trees, into plain sight. She kept running, to lead him away from Sammy, even though there was no way of escape. She fell on the uneven path, and the man reached her. And, suddenly she knew who he was.

"Thrasher," she whispered. "Why?" Those were her last words before the bullet entered her gut. The last words she heard were:

"If you can't be mine, you can't be no-ones."

Her last thoughts were of Sammy and Dan. She heard the bullet enter Thrasher's head, but did not give thought to it.

_Goodbye Sammy. _

And then, she was dead.


End file.
